Liz Warren | Storyteller

Processing Grief with Story by Sally Borg

The power and value of personal storytelling was brought to front and center last winter when my mom passed away.  I suspect this sort of thing happens in many families as a loved one is lost, services are planned, and boxes of pictures and "stuff" are gone through.  The healing power of telling stories, laughing and crying and remembering things about her we hadn't thought of in years, was truly amazing. 

It started with my two sisters and two brothers and I just talking about Mom and sharing memories of better times before the cancer came.  These little stories helped us remember a feistier Mom, not the tired, worn out one we saw slip away.  We remembered the crabby mom who seemed difficult for us to deal with most of the time, but who did her best to keep the five of us in line.  Widowed at 35 years old, with five kids under the age of 15, she had her hands full.  Through the storytelling, we all came to the realization that we were the reason for a lot of her crabbiness.  We laughed over all those times we made her so mad, amazed that she had gotten through it without killing any of us, amazed at our own dense selves for doing what we had done.  I gained a new appreciation of her crabbiness, when seen in this new light.   

The shared storytelling with my siblings brought us closer together and helped each of us cope with our grief in our own way.  I can't imagine that we'd have dealt with this loss in any other way than through telling our stories.  It's that idea that makes me think this is how ALL families must process grief.  But is it?  Was I just lucky to be born into a family of storytellers or is this the universal power and value of storytelling that is out there for the taking?  Maybe a little of both.  

 

14 responses to “Processing Grief with Story by Sally Borg”

  1. jOan Misek Avatar
    jOan Misek

    wHen my parents passed away, we told stories about them both. We were all able to handle our grief and like you, grew a little closer. bEautiful story!

    Reply
  2. Sharon Gilbert Avatar
    Sharon Gilbert

    This is beautiful Sally. We remembered a dear friend with stories at a gathering just for that purpose and it led to one of his granddaughters (age 11) telling her memory story too. A very lovely day for processing our loss.

    Reply
  3. Susan Malmo Avatar
    Susan Malmo

    So beautiful — I really think the “going-through-stuff” process just ignites the storytelling process!

    Reply
  4. Marian Giannatti Avatar
    Marian Giannatti

    Beautiful. Storytelling to process life’s passages is universal indeed. Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply
  5. Phyllis Ralley Avatar
    Phyllis Ralley

    Sally,
    You tell so many stories from your fishy home town. You are so beautifully connected to that time and place and you let us visit every time you tell us about it.
    Storytelling and crafting stories about my Mom and Dad has taught me a lot too. Amazing how that works.

    Reply
  6. Laurie Provost Avatar
    Laurie Provost

    I love this story and your reflective sharing of it. I can relate on my own level as my dad is declining quickly since a Parkinson’s diagnosis only a few months ago. I have no idea how I will handle it, nor how my siblings and I will cope. Will it bring us closer together, or further apart. Only time will tell, but I do hope my family will experience the power and value of personal story telling. Thank you and I’m sorry for your loss of your mother.

    Reply
  7. Joan misek Avatar
    Joan misek

    You brought me back to those times when we also told the funny stories and the difficult stories. Great job

    Reply
  8. Pina Avatar
    Pina

    Sally gorgeous photo. Big losses are the parents. Both my folks still here in their 70,s. I agree that story telling is a great place to share and process grief. My story last night was the beginning of processing the sudden death of my dance therapist. Thank You for reminding me how previous life is. Peace Josephine

    Reply
  9. Eva valdez Avatar
    Eva valdez

    Others that read your post told how touching it was and I was a little raw from my father’s passing in the spring of 2015. It was a hoot and reminded me of the years my father would look at us or hear about one of my antics and shake his head suppressing a laugh with a puffed up chest of indignity!It was what I needed this past week in remembrance of my father who I miss very much. I was able to get some family tales from in the past few years and am so glad I took the time to do so.

    Reply
  10. Eva Valdez Avatar
    Eva Valdez

    Not to be maudlin Laurie but there is a whole community that will envelop you in hugs and supportive. The prayer is it will make your family closer. When my dad began to not be my dad through dementia I began to write. Story keep me ok

    Reply
  11. Eva Valdez Avatar
    Eva Valdez

    Oina- your story was amazing and closer to story and oral tradition than I expected. Your loved ones were of a culture that treasured oral tradition Carry on

    Reply
  12. DrBev Avatar
    DrBev

    That is a beautiful story. It reminds me of when our family gets together and we sit around and tell stories. We always tell stories about my mom. It helps the healing process.

    Reply
  13. Leticia Avatar
    Leticia

    The story you tell of your mom is an inspiring tribute. I can relate to the use of storytelling to process because that has helped my family. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  14. Leticia Avatar
    Leticia

    The story you tell of your mom is an inspiring tribute. I can relate to the use of storytelling to process because that has helped my family. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

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