The Perils of Not Hearing Stories by Victoria Kelly

I
am from a rather large family. I am the oldest of six, my mom is the oldest of
eleven, and my paternal grandmother was one of seventeen.  You would think that I would have grown up
with hundreds or thousands of stories, yet I heard none.  When I would ask questions, I never got any
answers.  When my mother was pregnant
with her first child, me, my grandmother was pregnant with her last child; I
was born six hours ahead of my aunt.  My
grandmother never took on the role of grandmother because she was still too
busy tending to her own children.  I had
aunts and uncles that were just one or two years older than me; somehow I
understood that as a child.  With all of
these children running around I got lost. 
I never had a sense of self, or of a family identity, or a communal
identity, I just felt like I was just there and did not matter one way or
another.  If I had heard family stories,
I would have at least had a sense of family, and possibly community; there was
nothing that could have helped with the number of children.

I
always felt that I was missing out on something. At the time I was not sure
what it was but now I know that it was story. 
I do think I would have been a better person, family member and parent
if I had heard family stories growing up. 
When I took my first storytelling class we had an assignment to
interview a family member; I chose my mother. 
I explained to her what I needed it for and finally she got it and
obliged me with stories.  I had a great,
great uncle who followed a wagon train from Iowa to San Francisco back in the
late 1800’s.  It turns out that this
uncle was one of the founding gardeners for Golden Gate Park in San Francisco.
He spent the rest of his life being one of the park’s master gardeners, and his
son followed in his footsteps.  I also learned
that another uncle sang with the Austrian Opera until he had to escape to the
United States at the beginning of WWII; my uncle was a Jew. 

I
think that my mom really does finally get it. 
I was telling her that I mentioned my stepfather in my last story. I told
her how I spoke of his compassion. Guess what? She told me a story.  She told me that when we were stationed in
Homestead, Florida, that he was heartbroken over the children whose parents
were migrant workers, and that they would not be having Christmas because the
workers only made a couple of dollars an hour if they were lucky.  She went on to tell me how he sold raffle
tickets for a complete Thanksgiving dinner for a dollar, and he was able to
provide for these children with the proceeds. 
I wish she would have understood how important these stories would have
been to me as I was growing up; the sense of belonging I would have had and the
sense of pride I would have felt knowing I lived in a family that was trying to
make a difference.  Unfortunately, she
did not understand that and so neither did I, but life is not over yet, and my
future grandchildren and great-grandchildren will have their fill of stories.  I will tell them stories about their
heritage, funny stories that happened at family gatherings, some hysterical
stories about their parents and trust me with twins I have lots of those, and
any other stories as they come to my mind. 
          

One
of the reasons I love Donald Davis so much was that through his stories I got a
sense of who he was and where he came from. 
He came from a family that was real: they had issues, they loved each
other, and they had battles and trials. I could identify with them; they were
not this perfect family.  I think that
stories even help with your mental health. On those gray days that we all have
at times you can you can always remind yourself of stories. They seem to always
help you feel the sunshine on your face, and make you aware of all the love in
your heart. They remind you of your history and give you a sense of belonging
to something more than yourself.

So,
you see that without story you will face many perils that will be so much more
difficult to rid yourself of.  Stories
add richness to our lives, they are treasures that no one can steal or take
away from us.  I was once told that my
latter years would be far greater than my former years. I now know why, my
former years were without stories.  As we
approach Thanksgiving, I want to express my gratefulness to Story and want to
wish you a Thanksgiving full of them.

11 responses to “The Perils of Not Hearing Stories by Victoria Kelly”

  1. Marianne Auten Avatar
    Marianne Auten

    Thank you, Victoria, for an excellent post that really made me think. I did have family stories in my growing up years, but not enough. Oh, that I wish my parents were still alive so I ask them to tell me stories! This class (and your post) has convicted me that I need to tell my kids more stories so they will better understand their roots and feel the connection that their own story links to. Thank you for your commitment to tell stories….I love to hear you tell!

  2. Sally Borg Avatar
    Sally Borg

    It’s never too late to start getting family history through stories, thanks for the reminder! I didn’t hear many family stories either, but now my sisters and I are starting to tell family stories a little. I still need to try to get more stories out of my mom, and next time my sisters visit, I am committed to having a session with them where they tell me some things they can remember about my dad.

  3. Sandra Brassell Avatar
    Sandra Brassell

    Victoria: I could relate with a lot you were talking about on your blog. I was blessed with two grandmothers, or you may say blessed. I never really gave them much thought. One did not like the girls just her grandsons. One was old at a very young age. I was blessed with her older sister who was blind. I would cuddle up on her large frame and she would tell me stories and laugh. She made me feel so warm and fuzzy. I also had a grandfather that I adored. He always brought fun in my life. SO always remember the grandfather you had that shared with you. I came from a very private family and I didn’t really learn a lot from them, BUT, it has shown me how important it is to share with my sons and grandchildren. HOw lucky we are.

  4. Louise Laux Avatar
    Louise Laux

    Victoria, your post really addresses the need children have always had for stories, and family. It’s sad that so many children today miss out on so much. Thanks for reminding me that I need to tell more family stories to my children and their children.

  5. Kelly Avatar
    Kelly

    Victoria, I love your blog! Bottom line… you are now getting to hear the stories you feel you missed as a child. Your message for me, is that it is never too late to ask for what we want or need.
    Kelly

  6. Cassandra Cushing Avatar

    Very inspiring post! Lots of personal details – thanks for sharing. It’s always good to have a reminder of how stories affect those around us. Your post is truly inspiring.

  7. Nancy Newlin Avatar
    Nancy Newlin

    Dear Victoria,
    Reading your blog reminds me of all of the stories my grandmother told me. She lived to be 103 years old so I in her later years she told the same stories over and over again. I so wish that i would have written some of her stories down. But after reading your blog, I realize that it is not too late for me to start remembering and writing. Also reading about how you interviewed your mother after all of these years reminds me that I can talk to my sisters and cousins to see what stories they remember that my grandmother told. Thank you for sharing your story. It is truly inspirational. Nancy

  8. Tui Conner Avatar
    Tui Conner

    Victoria, you are so open and willing to share. Thank you. Because I grew up out of the country, I didn’t get many family stories from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My parents had busy lives and, when they weren’t home, the servants took care for us. I struggle now to find stories and they are mostly just mine. It’s a place to start, though!

  9. pralley@msn.com Avatar
    pralley@msn.com

    We have to start somewhere. My Dad used to tell stories, now I wish I had listened more closely. But I know some of the family history, and I hope to craft stories to communicate to my great grandson about his roots. But beyond our personal families, we are all a family on this earth. What was Brad’s line “all from the same woodpile” and every story we tell or hear links us all together. Storytelling is perhaps the most powerful artform I have found.

  10. Brad Auten Avatar
    Brad Auten

    Thanks Victoria – your stories always give me a good feeling especially the one with kids – they always seem to get it better than us adults.

  11. Peggy Sue Babbitt Avatar
    Peggy Sue Babbitt

    Hi Victoria, I never had any stories told to me as a child. Thank you for this blog it make me think how many stories I need to tell to kids.

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